This was escaping through the flood of condensation on the bathroom window as I showered. Not sure how it didn't drown.
I've always assumed these guys were Varied Carpet Beetles, but upon closer look, I'm not so sure. And I know I've seen larvae like those of A. verbasci before, but what we see here most often (admittedly, filling me with rage when I see them) look more like the example given for the Furniture Carpet Beetle at this site: http://ipm.ucanr.edu/PMG/PESTNOTES/pn7436.html